He has set Eternity in the human heart

 

On the M25, the orbital motorway that surrounds London, there was a piece of graffiti written on a wall in large letters, visible to all sat in the daily traffic jam, which read “Why do I do this every day?”  When I lived in the Midlands, my job took me that way once a month, and along with millions of other motorists, I groaned every time I saw it! 

It was a running commentary on how far our lives are from the desires of our hearts and how much our broken world (and the broken people within it) refuses to cooperate. Whilst childhood dreams quickly evaporate and the idealism and promise of youth yield to duty and obligation, the angst remains as St Augustine frames it for us, “our hearts are restless until they rest in You” 

The things we love on earth can be brief glimpses of eternity and keep us going, the sunsets, the mountains and valleys, the smell of rain and for others, sea spray and a billowing sail. 

I know a couple of sailors and in my quest to learn new things every year, I picked up a book called ‘sailing made easy’. I was finding it informative and started to pick up the terms and language; the author though seemed to be a sailing scientist rather than a buccaneer until half way through the manual he suddenly spoke from the heart and said that sailing was “the sensation of being propelled by an invisible and silent force that induces first awe, then wonder, then the desire to understand how it all works” 

And then I understood. How close he came to identifying what we are all really seeking. 

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going, so it is with everyone born of the Spirit” 

Sailing is analogous to being born of the Spirit. If you are in the Spirit’s flow without hindrance you are sailing downwind or running.  More usually we encounter resistance and will have to trim our sails to find the optimum speed and direction, and tack to move forwards gradually, akin to a process of listening prayer or discernment: a constant process of adjustment really to stay in line with the Spirit and maintain the course He sets. 

I imagine then that a sailor who is also born of the Spirit has a double portion of Joy and an excellent hope of reaching the desired eternal port safely. If you’ll excuse the pun, St Augustine has just thrown me another line… 

“God provides the Wind, man must raise the sails”

Healing the broken hearted .....a story from America

The small church was crowded. All around me people worshiped a god that I didn't believe existed. Why was I there? My neighbor asked me to come. To be honest, I thought they would leave me alone if I did. I wasn't sure what to expect. I had attended services with my family a few times, but it was more of a ritual or a way to celebrate holidays. What I hadn't anticipated was the wetness pressed against my eyelids as I clenched them shut. My motto? Never them let them see you cry. I wasn't about to break down in front of people I didn't know. I wasn't crying because I felt the presence of God or that I sensed his love for me. I fought tears because I was mad, so angry that I shook inside. How dare the preacher stand there and talk about the love of God. It was easy for him and people like him to spout off about a God who existed, who had a purpose for every person. Well, maybe their God had taken a personal interest in them but he didn't live at my house.

The mother I am about to share with you is the not the mom I have now. You see, she had an encounter with God, and he brought her out of the darkness of emotional pain and healed her. In order to share my story, I have to share a little bit of hers as well. My mom left home at 16 years old, pregnant and newly married to a boy . She lost her first baby to cystic fibrosis when the toddler was less than two years old. She had her second child at 18 and left her husband at the age of 21. He came to visit her one night and forced her to have sex. She discovered two weeks later she was pregnant. I was that baby.

Growing up, I never knew what to expect. Would it be the mom who brought home sweets to surprise us, or the woman who spouted horrific things as she ran out the door and threatened to kill herself? There were humiliating punishments, harsh words, and tearful requests for forgiveness.

Please don't get me wrong. It wasn't always bad in my home, but when it was it was loud and chaotic and frightening. One day my mom chased me through the house, brandishing an umbrella as she screamed at me. I ran out the door and into the rain. I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans and no shoes. The cold rain pelted me as I ran down Latimer Street. I pushed through the wetness, pumping my arms as I ran as fast as I could. Finally I stopped, bending down to catch my breath as my tears meshed with the raindrops. I slowly turned around and walked home, sat on the curb, and wept until my throat closed. I was stuck. I couldn't run away. I had no money, no place to go. I was 13 years old. Where could I go?

I started smoking at the bus stop, pushing boundaries with my teachers, and drinking with my best friend. My attempts to be tough must have appeared hilarious to others. I was skinny to a fault and looked younger than my age. Being tough didn't come natural. My heart was gentle and I hated conflict and fighting, yet every single time I let my guard down someone hurt me. Angry words all sharp and pointy, a knife in my soul. That's when the hardness crept in. Never let them see you cry. Never give them a chance to know you care.

One day it all came to a head. My mom pulled us around her in her bedroom. She put a gun to her head and threatened to shoot herself. I was scared, but not because I thought she would die, but because under my breath I whispered, just do it. Who was this person I was becoming?

Two years later I stood in the little church. The pastor sang, strumming on the guitar as people knelt at the altar. He loves you, he said.He has a plan for your life. Yeah, right. I pointed my chin at the sky, my eyes closed, and I challenged this God of which he spoke. If you are real, I whispered, and I don't believe you are, but if you exist and you know me and you love me like he says, I need to know. 

I expected nothing, yet I received everything as a tender touch reached past my hardened heart. I've had trouble explaining this moment to people over the years. Did you see God? No. Did you feel God's presence? Yes, but so subtle and deep inside of me, touching areas that I had closed long ago to anybody, that I knew it was God. Tears broke and streamed down my cheeks and for the first time in a long time I wept. I felt as if He had wrapped me in a warm blanket, enclosing me in his love. I stumbled from the church. I ran home and told my mom. 

Did everything magically change? No. My circumstances were still the same, but everything was different on the inside of me. 

Today I am a mom, an author, a speaker, and a wife. . Today I am still running after the same God that touched my life when I was 15. I always tell my teen audiences that one day I'll be an old woman running after God with my walking frame. You see, he's done a million things for me. He's been with me through difficult times, but my love for him will always be wrapped around that first moment when he reached down to an angry, hurting, skinny 15-year old teenager and silently whispered that he loved me. I still can't help but whisper back, I love you too. 

(the rest of her family became Christians too)

Escape to Victory...(an extract) ..a story from England

I was baptised as a Jehovah's Witness on January 6th. 1972. I had already been going out on the door-to-door ministry that Jehovah's Witnesses are known for, very difficult to do when you are a shy person. I wont go into what they do deeply just that you have to attended 5 meetings a week, 2 of which are 2 hours long, go on field ministry regularly and put a report in at the end of each month saying how many hours you had done.

In July 1974 I got married to a Jehovah's Witness girl, by October 1975 we had a son, eventually we had 7 children. It was a very routine way of life. I was working, attending meetings etc everything centred around the Jehovah's Witness way of life. The Jehovah's Witness is centred on the organization. The view is that the Watchtower is God's only means of communication to man the only true religion on earth, God's only means of salvation on earth if you are not in the Watchtower then you will die at Armageddon! To question the organisation is to question Jehovah himself and no one did that or you where out. In time I started to feel something feel something was wrong. At meetings when scripture was used I began to realise that many of them just did not fit what was being said from the platform. Scriptures taken out of context made to fit the Jehovah's Witness teaching. I would read the surrounding verses and realise that sometimes they were saying the opposite of what was being taught. Also the Jehovah's Witness teaching sidelines Jesus Christ, Jehovah's Witness teaching is that Jesus is the archangel Michael not part of a Trinity which they see as a pagan teaching. But in my reading of scripture all I saw was Jesus Christ by who we were saved and not being part of an organisation and doing the works it said we had to do to be saved. Only fear kept me in the Jehovah's Witnesses. 

Now by 1995 I was struggling at home to make ends meet, having 7 children, a home and the expense of all that started to prove to much. My job was not paying all that much so I started using credit cards and a loan to pay for everything and got deeper and deeper into debt. By April 1996 I didn't know where to turn and suffered a breakdown. I went to the Lake District via Blackpool, spent about a week there just walking over the hills. Then decided to kill myself, so I took about 30 tablets, paracetamol, aspirin and drank a bottle of brandy. This was in the evening sitting on a hill overlooking the valley at Windermere, thinking how beautiful it was. I gradually lost consciousness, and then woke up next morning feeling awful... Later spending 6 weeks in hospital no Elder would spend time with me. They may bring my wife but did not want to stay and talk., but I saw the ministers of other patients visiting them. Eventually I was put on anti-depressants and sent home. This is now May 1996. I was very rarely visited by anyone except Elders, the rest of the congregation would be advised to stay away, I was a danger. Their answer to my problem consisted of I should go out on the door-to-door work more and attending the meetings. People I had known for years stopped speaking to me. (Then he left JW) I still wanted to worship God but didn't know where to go or what to do. As a Jehovah's Witness you are taught that all other religions are apostate, satanic, demonic etc. (Then He found a Christian church) The place was so alive and everyone so friendly. The singing was marvelous such joy in the songs and the congregation singing them. Though the shouts of Hallelujah and Amen and speaking in tongues was a bit unnerving at first. I couldn't believe the amount of prayer also, but it was so heartfelt with feeling. The sermon bowled me over. I thought Yes that's how the word of God should be spoken its alive! (he was later baptized) The Lord through the Pastor has told me not to worry about the rest of the family He will deal with them in time. 

(the elders, even turned his family against him, couldn't see his own wife and children anymore.)

By their fruits you will know them !